Dream a Little Dream

Painting by Rafał Olbiński

I love dreaming. Sometimes I have lucid dreams that feel so real… as if they are actually happening… Where time, space, and all of my senses are awake but I’m dreaming.

The last time I had a lucid dream I was walking through a store that had big bulky sweaters to buy. Racks and racks of them. When I realized that I was lucid dreaming… I stepped into the role to try and take advantage of my lucid dreaming. In the dream I put my baby down and I told myself to go to the register to buy a winning lottery ticket… and when I got to the register I couldn’t lucid dream… it stopped. So I had to go back to the racks of sweaters where I could then again lucid dream. I tried once more to go get a lottery ticket and my lucid dream stopped. I could not make the lottery ticket work.

Anyways… I looked up the meaning behind dreaming of sweaters…

I found a site that said if you dream about buying fashionable sweaters (which was what I was doing) that it was a way of saying you needed to ask for help from your friends and family in difficult situations, even when you don’t want to. And that is sooooo true for me! I hate asking for help… but maybe sometimes I should.

AND IN THE SAME paragraph it said if you were dreaming about an old stretched out sweater that this was about financial problems and that you shouldn’t buy a LOTTERY TICKET, because you wouldn’t win anyways. Whaaaaat?! Isn’t that weird? Kind of eerie! Never thought those two things would actually be in the same interpretation.

Anyways… I could go on and on about my weird ass dreams… crazy thing is… my name doppelgänger Kelly Walden is actually a dream analyzer. Even weirder!

Signs. 🕯💫

I truly believe in asking for signs. Ever since I was a little girl my mom and Grandma Skandamis used to talk about asking for signs.

The whole reason why I made the decision to become a pediatric echocardiographer was because I heard a little voice nudging me to. It was on a random day on the way home from work. At the time I had been working at the only pediatric cardiology office in the area (150 mile radius to be approximate) for over 8 years. I never really thought, previously, of myself as a medical care giver… and on this particular day nothing had happened that would have inspired me to pursue training. It was just another day at work. But on the ride home I looked into the sky at the tree line and heard a voice say “you should go to echo school.”

And at first I was a little stunned and taken back that this thought came to me out of no where. I didn’t know what to think because it never occurred to me to even consider going to school to learn how to do echos… in fact I was in my senior year of art school at SCAD so it was never in my radar.

But something about that voice made me start a series of asking for signs. When I heard the voice speak to me…my daughter Uma, was in the back seat crying. She was one at the time… almost two but that day I forgot to bring her pacifier. So she just kept crying and crying and crying. So I asked God if going to echo school was something I should pursue, then let Uma stop crying. And she did… immediately. And I thought …. okay.

So I kept driving… but wanted more of a confirmation… so I asked for a second sign… I asked that if I were to truly pursue this make it so that I get all the way to the after school program to pick up my other daughter without her crying the rest of the way. And I got all the way there, without a peep, pulled into the parking lot, the song with the lyrics “take a bite out of my heart” was playing… and I turned off the car with an overwhelming feeling that I needed to do it.

So that night I researched what it would take to get trained… went to work the next day… and talked to the two echo techs at the office about my interest… and to this day I got chills. The oldest tech was planning on retiring in two years, the time it would take for me to finish school, but hadn’t said anything yet… it was divine timing…. and the rest is history.

I’ve been a pediatric echo tech now for 7 years… and working in the same office for almost 17 years…. seems crazy to me… it all happened with a little voice and a series of signs…

I wouldn’t be who I am or have the relationships I have if I hadn’t listened to that little sign…

A Short Philosophy of Birds 9.1.21

A Short Philosophy of Birds by Philippe J. Dubois & Elise Rousseau

This is a neat little book I bought in Virginia. Here is a brief little description of what the book is about: (from the back of the book):

“A French ornithologist and a French philosopher teach us to pause, look to the sky, and reconnect with the natural world, in twenty-two short lessons inspired by the secret lives of birds.”

All over my house I have bird decorations in every room. I even named my first born Ava which means “like a bird” or “bird” or “aviary”. I never realized how much I think about birds. But I do every day.

The Law Rock. Iceland 🇮🇸 8.1.21

This was a detail at a little church in Lögberg, Iceland 🇮🇸 at The Law Rock. I thought it was so pretty.

I can’t wait to travel again. My hopes is that in the summer of 2022 I can spend my 40th birthday in Switzerland with a pit stop in Germany on the way there.

Create the life you want…

Dove Spirit Animal 7.1.21

Dove Spirit Animal 🕊

Peace.

Love.

Grace.

Holy Spirit.

Messenger of God.

The DOVE 🕊 totem keeps appearing in my life. It brings the message of peace. Peace, peace, peace. And love. The DOVE was the first domesticated bird and is said to bring messages from God and is associated with the Holy Spirit. There is peace I feel in my heart… the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Swan Spirit Animal 5.1.21

Swan Spirit Animal

Grace.

Intuition.

Dreams.

Future.

Fidelity.

Love.

The SWAN 🦢 totem represents all of these and more. Above all, the SWAN invokes GRACE as she intuitively sees into the future and accepts what may be. It’s the trust in letting go. It’s the acceptance of what the future holds. Dreams hold answers to the future. Intuition is the heart of the matter. And grace is what carries you along.

Angels & Facials 4.1.21.

I believe in angels.

I’ve seen them. I have felt them. And I know that they are there. With us. Always.

There are times when I can feel them immensely.

And the times when I can’t feel them as strong… I long for them.

I have three key angels that are my guardians. My aunt Stacy. My grandpa Guarino. And Mary Magdalene. They are always with me.

I first saw my aunt Stacy in angel form when we lived in Germany. She had passed away in a car accident. I remember being in my moms room and looking into the bathroom and seeing this great light form and I knew it was her. I was so little. 4 or 5 years old. She still visits me often. The last time I felt her and my grandpa immensely was when I gave birth to my son. They visited us in the hospital.

My Grandpa Guarino is a little bit more subtle… but I feel him. When he passed away, he waited for me to get to the hospital before he left his human form. I was by myself. He had been in and out of the hospital and I was the only one that lived nearby. My parents were in Boston and siblings scattered between Florida, West Georgia, and Massachusetts. When he went back into the hospital my mom called and asked me to visit him that day. When I showed up he was non-responsive but his vitals were fine. I said… hey Grandpa I’m here. And within 10 minutes his vitals started to plummet unexpectedly. I had on my student echo scrubs and the male nurse came whipping around the corner to check on him. I don’t know why I didn’t realize what was happening when his telemetry was buzzing off. At first the male nurse thought I was a student and made the comment “don’t you die on me.” And as he was responding to my grandpa deteriorating he realized I was his granddaughter and his demeanor changed. Then a flood of people came running in trying to work on saving my grandpas life. They were giving his chest compressions and I was standing there crying watching it all. Then the doctor came in while they were working on him saying “this wasn’t supposed to happen like this” to me and got some nurses to whisk me across the hall into another room and I could still see them and hear them working on him until he left us. When they called his death they brought me back into the room where his cold body lay. They handed my tissues and placed my hand in his cold, lifeless hand. And all I could do was cry. He waited for me to get there before he left his body. And to this day, I keep his rosaries hanging all over my house and next to my bedside. And I feel him all the time. It’s subtle… because he was always so subtle and quiet. And you know… he wasn’t my “biological” grandpa… or even my Dads “biological” dad…. but he took in my Dad and raised him as his own… and Just like my Dad and Grandpa, they both took me as their own and raised me as theirs. My protectors. And just as I type this… a picture on my wall that is taped up falls down. He’s here. I know.

My life is so at peace these days. And a little facial just makes it even lovelier. And Mary… well Mary knows best.