I believe in angels.
I’ve seen them. I have felt them. And I know that they are there. With us. Always.
There are times when I can feel them immensely.
And the times when I can’t feel them as strong… I long for them.
I have three key angels that are my guardians. My aunt Stacy. My grandpa Guarino. And Mary Magdalene. They are always with me.
I first saw my aunt Stacy in angel form when we lived in Germany. She had passed away in a car accident. I remember being in my moms room and looking into the bathroom and seeing this great light form and I knew it was her. I was so little. 4 or 5 years old. She still visits me often. The last time I felt her and my grandpa immensely was when I gave birth to my son. They visited us in the hospital.
My Grandpa Guarino is a little bit more subtle… but I feel him. When he passed away, he waited for me to get to the hospital before he left his human form. I was by myself. He had been in and out of the hospital and I was the only one that lived nearby. My parents were in Boston and siblings scattered between Florida, West Georgia, and Massachusetts. When he went back into the hospital my mom called and asked me to visit him that day. When I showed up he was non-responsive but his vitals were fine. I said… hey Grandpa I’m here. And within 10 minutes his vitals started to plummet unexpectedly. I had on my student echo scrubs and the male nurse came whipping around the corner to check on him. I don’t know why I didn’t realize what was happening when his telemetry was buzzing off. At first the male nurse thought I was a student and made the comment “don’t you die on me.” And as he was responding to my grandpa deteriorating he realized I was his granddaughter and his demeanor changed. Then a flood of people came running in trying to work on saving my grandpas life. They were giving his chest compressions and I was standing there crying watching it all. Then the doctor came in while they were working on him saying “this wasn’t supposed to happen like this” to me and got some nurses to whisk me across the hall into another room and I could still see them and hear them working on him until he left us. When they called his death they brought me back into the room where his cold body lay. They handed my tissues and placed my hand in his cold, lifeless hand. And all I could do was cry. He waited for me to get there before he left his body. And to this day, I keep his rosaries hanging all over my house and next to my bedside. And I feel him all the time. It’s subtle… because he was always so subtle and quiet. And you know… he wasn’t my “biological” grandpa… or even my Dads “biological” dad…. but he took in my Dad and raised him as his own… and Just like my Dad and Grandpa, they both took me as their own and raised me as theirs. My protectors. And just as I type this… a picture on my wall that is taped up falls down. He’s here. I know.
My life is so at peace these days. And a little facial just makes it even lovelier. And Mary… well Mary knows best.
Full Moon in Aquarius.
As my favorite astrologer Steven Forrest says… “Freedom -that is the Aquarian endpoint. What is it? Individuality. The ability to choose our own path. To do what we want to do. To take orders from no one…”
And as Dr. Joe Dispenza says… “The best way to predict the future is to create it. Not from the known… but from the unknown.”
It’s impressive… life, that is… from conception… to birth… to infancy into childhood… adolescence into adulthood… and into our elder years… how much we change in the course of time… what we learn… what we share… and the epiphanies along the way…
The chances we have…
The steps we take…
What we choose to believe…
And what we give our energy to…
The question… So, What Now? What are you going to do for the rest of your life?
There is an important difference between dwelling in misery and understanding that on the path of healing things will come up that sometimes cause us to feel the old emotions and patterns that we are working on letting go.
There is great power in honoring the reality of our current emotions – not feeding them or making them worse but simply recognizing that this is what has arisen in this present moment and that this will also change. When ￼we create this space within ourselves – a space of calmness that is undisturbed by the storm – the storm tends to pass more quickly.
Practicing such profound honesty within ourselves helps in all facets of internal and external life – there is no real freedom without honesty, and without honesty, there can be no peace of mind.
Healing ourselves isn’t about constantly feeling bliss; being attached to bliss is a bondage of its own. Trying to force ourselves to be happy is counterproductive, because it suppresses the sometimes tough reality of the moment, pushing it back within the depths of our being, instead of allowing it to arise and release.
– Yung Pueblo, Inward
And feelin’ good. In the flow… becoming clear… and preparing for my biggest year yet. 2020. I got you! ❤️Kelly
This is an excerpt from Rilke’s Book of Hours. I don’t feel like I can even add anything else to it…. every word is YES. shape your world… and nothing has ever been so real without beholding it…. the idea of free will and being completely present in your own life. To meet and be met…
Only few people are let into my world… and only a few know my deepest struggles… I’ll be first to admit I can run at the mouth too much and share too much to anyone who would listen… especially in the absence of noise. but I’m shrinking my circle… I’m practicing more silence… less social media of the norm. This space to me feels safer. Not as many judging eyes… not many people I know blog… and not many people I personally know follow along…
But in the case of a stranger who needs a little insight into their own lives… maybe this struck a chord with you… and maybe you too are on a path to healing… a path to grounding… and coming home to yourself.
Sending out messages to this world… you are not alone.
Ps. Haven’t really prayed hard in a while… but tonight… I’m on my knees.
I have loved deeply. And I have lost deeply. I have experienced the greatest joy and the lowest depression. I have been to hell and back…and back again… only to have learned that there’s nowhere else to go… other than up from here. I’ve learned to be gentle, to be forgiving, to still love with every fiber… but for now, I choose me… I choose to love myself first… everything else will take its place.