It’s called an awakening and it’s time.
Swan Spirit Animal
The SWAN 🦢 totem represents all of these and more. Above all, the SWAN invokes GRACE as she intuitively sees into the future and accepts what may be. It’s the trust in letting go. It’s the acceptance of what the future holds. Dreams hold answers to the future. Intuition is the heart of the matter. And grace is what carries you along.
I believe in angels.
I’ve seen them. I have felt them. And I know that they are there. With us. Always.
There are times when I can feel them immensely.
And the times when I can’t feel them as strong… I long for them.
I have three key angels that are my guardians. My aunt Stacy. My grandpa Guarino. And Mary Magdalene. They are always with me.
I first saw my aunt Stacy in angel form when we lived in Germany. She had passed away in a car accident. I remember being in my moms room and looking into the bathroom and seeing this great light form and I knew it was her. I was so little. 4 or 5 years old. She still visits me often. The last time I felt her and my grandpa immensely was when I gave birth to my son. They visited us in the hospital.
My Grandpa Guarino is a little bit more subtle… but I feel him. When he passed away, he waited for me to get to the hospital before he left his human form. I was by myself. He had been in and out of the hospital and I was the only one that lived nearby. My parents were in Boston and siblings scattered between Florida, West Georgia, and Massachusetts. When he went back into the hospital my mom called and asked me to visit him that day. When I showed up he was non-responsive but his vitals were fine. I said… hey Grandpa I’m here. And within 10 minutes his vitals started to plummet unexpectedly. I had on my student echo scrubs and the male nurse came whipping around the corner to check on him. I don’t know why I didn’t realize what was happening when his telemetry was buzzing off. At first the male nurse thought I was a student and made the comment “don’t you die on me.” And as he was responding to my grandpa deteriorating he realized I was his granddaughter and his demeanor changed. Then a flood of people came running in trying to work on saving my grandpas life. They were giving his chest compressions and I was standing there crying watching it all. Then the doctor came in while they were working on him saying “this wasn’t supposed to happen like this” to me and got some nurses to whisk me across the hall into another room and I could still see them and hear them working on him until he left us. When they called his death they brought me back into the room where his cold body lay. They handed my tissues and placed my hand in his cold, lifeless hand. And all I could do was cry. He waited for me to get there before he left his body. And to this day, I keep his rosaries hanging all over my house and next to my bedside. And I feel him all the time. It’s subtle… because he was always so subtle and quiet. And you know… he wasn’t my “biological” grandpa… or even my Dads “biological” dad…. but he took in my Dad and raised him as his own… and Just like my Dad and Grandpa, they both took me as their own and raised me as theirs. My protectors. And just as I type this… a picture on my wall that is taped up falls down. He’s here. I know.
My life is so at peace these days. And a little facial just makes it even lovelier. And Mary… well Mary knows best.
On the second day of the year…. I chopped it off… not bad for doing it myself!
So Fresh. So Clean.
My little Swan Song
The best thing that happened in the year 2020 was having my little boy. I don’t know how to explain the energy shift that came to be when I became pregnant with him and then held him in my arms. My whole life changed. My soul felt lighter… happier… and calmer. My anxieties fell… and my past traumas were no longer haunting me. It was like a little bit of magic washed over me and I suddenly found acceptance and freedom… a new lighter me. He was the change that I needed. He was my little swan song to the old me.
My days are now filled with joy… with smiles… and with immense unconditional love. I look at people no longer as people… but as souls just trying to find their way home. My patience is superb. My love BIG…
Reflecting back on the last solar year I realized that I needed my little boy to put me in check… to up-level me… he made me better.
For my next solar year projection I want to take on the energies of the Swan 🦢 and Dove🕊 totem. To express peace and grace in all that I do. To share beauty and love in all that I am. To treat each day as a gift.
Today I’m tired.
Online school for 5th graders sucks and is way too time consuming.
I let it get the better of me.
My attitude stinks.
I’ve been fussing all morning and afternoon to Uma about it.
Willem can’t stand it.
Ava has helped tag team between helping with Uma and Willem.
All I wanted was a hot meal and a cocktail.
Managed to finish cooking.
But it’s sitting there getting cold.
Because Willem is being needy today.
Where’s my cocktail?
P.S. I love my birthmark on my eyebrow & my skin feels pretty. So there.
Full Moon in Aquarius.
As my favorite astrologer Steven Forrest says… “Freedom -that is the Aquarian endpoint. What is it? Individuality. The ability to choose our own path. To do what we want to do. To take orders from no one…”
And as Dr. Joe Dispenza says… “The best way to predict the future is to create it. Not from the known… but from the unknown.”
It’s impressive… life, that is… from conception… to birth… to infancy into childhood… adolescence into adulthood… and into our elder years… how much we change in the course of time… what we learn… what we share… and the epiphanies along the way…
The chances we have…
The steps we take…
What we choose to believe…
And what we give our energy to…
I’m ready for the next phase in my life… the old me no longer exists. My beliefs have changed… my heart has changed… and I’m ready to move on.
There is beauty in growing. There is light to be found. What once served a purpose… can now be graciously set on a shelf as a faded memory of lessons learned… to be looked upon but never held again.
The old me doesn’t exist anymore. Neither does the old you.